And I Wander

The birds chirp at this side of the world. :)


.long beach.california.usa.

#Random thoughts on a Black Friday…

In a gathering. Sitting in a corner. Funny how I feel most alone in the company of people.

So here I am looking back… I believe that what happened was meant to happen. It was part of my pruning process. Yes I was the one pruned. I was the one tried. I was the one who failed, thus pruned. Ousted… I do not know of any other way for things to come to this because I could not, for the life of me, let go of the things that I have held dear for years. Yes for years I have overlooked the more important priorities in my life: my bloodfam. Such a long time. Such long process of growing up, growing out of seemingly juvenile life. Well-spent years. But like most things, they expire.

I now go on with my life with acceptance… waving the banner of His peace and reconciliation. There may be times that I will deny myself of forgiveness, but the truth is, I was forgiven. He has forgiven me. And that truth has to sink in. It is just hard when caught between battle of these truths. The truth of freedom and the prison of emotional truth.

It still hurts. I hurt because I hurt you.

They say that forgiveness may not mean forgetting, but more of letting go of the pain in order to move on. In that case, a part of me wouldn’t want to forgive myself because I need to be reminded that there was a time when I was faced with the hardest battle anyone could ever have, and I failed.

Because I want to be able to learn. And remember.

And to tell myself that I am capable of hurting the people I love.

And I do not want to be in that place ever again.

* * * * * * *

A rose so beautiful
It catches the sun’s rays
With its mists
From yesternight’s drizzling rain
Out of its stem
Grew five leaves
One of which starts to wither
And stand out
Like a sore thumb
Or more like a sixth finger
Imperfect it may be
It displays color like that of sunshine
And flaunts the beauty of the rest
And the redness of the queen in bloom
Like a flicker of light
In the dark
That imperfection
That makes everything else
But alas
It has to be nipped
And back to earth it shall be
For in reality of realities
It has no place
Among all perfect leaves
Underneath that perfect rose

March 30, 2013 - Posted by | attempt at poetry, introspect, learn & unlearn, life

1 Comment »

  1. I love you Tzy. I know you are very strong. And that shall too pass. I love youuuuu!!! 🙂

    Comment by khai | March 30, 2013

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