I AM NOT TWEETY BIRD

.los angeles.california.usa.

Good morning! Sweet dreams.

It’s 10am and I just got home from work. Imma sleep the day coz I am seriously dead tired from working for 16 hours/day these past 2 days. I had regular hours training for a bank, and then I had more hours in the supermarket this week coz I got transferred to another department. They needed my help. Next week, I will be back to my normal work hours… just in time for the start of my scholarship program (Yes, I passed the auditions and I am now a dance scholar. )

Before I turn in, I just got to scratch this itch to write, so here I ramble on… what I am not.

* * * * * * *

• I am not a cook. Because cooking doesn’t like me. I would love to learn it though. But for some reason, whenever I cook, something always goes wrong like the food gets burnt, or my skin gets burnt, or food is too maalat, or matabang. So, don’t ever expect me to cook for you. I can just wash your dirty dishes if you want (I loooove washing dishes. I consider it therapeutic).   BUT I do love to eat. I would TRY to eat anything. One of the reasons why I love to travel is because I love to try different dishes. I can eat world-class cuisines or the dirtiest street food. Kapag napapadpad ako sa isang bagong lugar, pagkain agad ang tinitira ko. (Ain’t that better said in Tagalog? ) The weirdest thing I have ever tasted is this grilled bug/beetle that Floyd had shoved in my mouth at a Korean restaurant. It was blech! Anyway, though I can’t cook, I love loooove neat kitchens! I would love to have my own little sparkling kitchen someday. I will wash dishes there, while Spidey cooks. And then we will eat. Just don’t make me cook.

• I am not a runner. I hate running. When Allstars had its jogging days, I would always hate Ken for quoting “We are just as strong as our weakest link.” And then following it with, “So let’s all wait for Tzytzy.” (Coz I would always jog at a slower pace coz of my asthma) And then worse, we would do this sprint and I would be cussing under my breath, hahaha!  BUT you can ask me to walk ALL DAY, or hike mountains for 5 days & you would never hear me complain. Just don’t ask me to run.

• I am not a swimmer. For the life of me, no matter how much I would try so hard to learn how to swim, I always manage to fail at it. :p I don’t know if it’s because of my weak lungs (I can’t go past 10 feet without gasping for breathe–and they say swimming is good for those who have asthma huh?), or my inability to float. I can’t tell. I would always tell Spidey that if I could only swim, I would be able to surf. Hell, I would even try the strongest wave on earth, the one at the Newport beach! But I can’t… even though he would always say that you don’t need to know how to swim to surf… Make me do all water sports, I’d do it it! (With a life vest, haha!) Just don’t make me swim.

• I am not musical. I do not remember songs easily. I do not have that natural rhythm; you will lose me in two-8s, even if you just ask me to clap with the bass. I have studied piano and guitar, but I didn’t go past learning a whole song. I took classical voice lessons in grade school. But my parents’ money went to waste coz I still cannot carry a tune… BUT I love listening to the music… and dancing to it… Just don’t ask me to sing, or do beatbox.

• I am not fashionista. When all other senses were showered to the earth, I was present. Then the next day, I called in sick, the day fashion sense was distributed. (Hah! Korni!) My closet consists of clothes I have worn for years. My oldest possession is a red shirt with a heart owned by my lola! When I came here, my clothes had fit in one luggage. My other luggage (and Tala’s) carried my books, art materials, notebooks, toys, etc. I do not know how to window shop… or shop at all, like how girls would do it. I should have my own personal shopper & stylist coz I would not picture how good a dress is just by looking at it from a rack display, or even if I wear it already. Sometimes, I would wear uncoordinated clothes. Most of the time, I would wear my jeans and sneakers coz I’m too lazy to give effort to be pimped up. BUT I like dressing up. I enjoy being styled up when there are shows/concerts. I love wearing costumes during halloween. I love dressing up my daughter too. That’s one perk of having a baby girl. I think she will be fashionable when she grows up. Which is good. Wag lang sana mahawa sakin.

• I am not an excellent speaker. I had hated public speaking in school. I am not fond of speaking in English… or Tagalog, for that matter. I can just do sign language the whole day. I only developed the love/need to speak up when I became part of Allstars. That happens to you when you become a fighter for a cause. Still, when a mic is shoved in my face, I blush… and when I finally do it, I stutter. I duno, maybe because I think too fast my tongue could not catch up. BUT I speak with conviction, even if what I say doesn’t make any sense. At least, that was what my college teacher told me. And you can just ask me to write. Or do. Or act. Just don’t make me speak.

• I am not Tweety Bird. I am not yellow. And cats don’t like me. I just look like him when I was in High School (my yearbook says “Tweety Bird ng Art Klas”).  BUT like him, I am happy in my own little world. I am nice, but can be cunning & devious if provoked. And like him, I kinda have a lisp. Just don’t tell me I look like him.

BALA (BULLETS)

.san diego.california.usa.

* Dahil buwan ng wika itong Agusto, ako ay magtatagalog. Pero hindi ko naman hinahanap-hanap ang lengwahe na ito sa dila ko dahil ito ang ginagamit namin sa bahay. Pero hindi ito ang ginagamit ko sa pagsulat. Mahirap e. Sigurado ako, maya-maya magtataglish na ako.

* Katatapos lang ng WHHC. Nakasama at nayakap kong muli ang aking grupo na hindi ko nakita ng limang buwan. Ganoon pa rin. Mga baliw pa rin sila hahaha! Kagaya ko. Ano pa nga ba’t kabaliwang masasabi ang maging isang artist. Hindi lang sa Pinas, kundi kahit saang parte ng mundo. Hindi ka mabibigyan nito ng seguridad. Unless magkaroon ng maayos ng sistema. Hindi puro lingon at tungo sa bawat kalabit ng puso.

* Tungkol sa WHHC. Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko kung bakit may prelims pa at finals noon sa paligsahang ito. Samantalang, pre-qualified na lahat ang mga kupunang nanggagaling sa bawat bansa (Pwera na lang sa Pilipinas. Dahil ang PAS, automatic na kasali. At ngayon, dahil kaunti lang ang sumasali at may perang panglipad, kung sino na lang ang may kaya ang sumasali. Sa tingin ko, sa susunod na taon, kailangan na ulit ibalik ang National Competition, at ang HHI-Ph ang dapat na maglipad sa mga mananalo, para wala na rin uutang). Dapat katulad ng Skechers, pagkatapos ng qualifying legs, isang malaking labanan na lang. Pero maiintindihan ko rin naman kung magkaroon ng eliminations at finals dahil madami nang bansa ang sumasali. Pero tatlong rounds (prelims, semis, finals)? Parang nakakaloko. Pareho lang naman ang hurado. Pareho ang criteria. Sige sabihin nating pwedeng magpalit ng piyesa, pero wala namang nagpapalit e, bihira. Iisa lang ang naiisip ko… Ka-ching ka-ching!

* Huli na tungkol sa WHHC. Parang huling punta ko na yata yun. Ibang vibe na kasi ang kompetisyon na yun ngayon e. Kahit yung isang emcee na ayaw kong pangalanan napasin din. Kung tutuusin, kasabay namin syang nagsimula noon. Hindi ko maituro, ngunit sa tingin ko, kasi naging mas commercialized na sya. Hindi katulad noon na wala pang ABDC, walang pa kahit youtube! Purong purong underground ang labanan… Ibang klaseng pakiramdam din yung hindi ka manalo pero biglang makikilala ka at ang bansa mo sa buong mundo! At isa rin sa na-miss ko ay yung pakiramdam na iisa lahat. Iisang puso. Iisang mundo. Kaya lumabas sa bibig namin ang One Love One Hip Hop One God. Ngayon, hindi ko sya naramdaman. Dahil ba hindi ako kasali? Hindi din eh… Eto na naman ako at nagkukumpara. Pero lagi ko ngang sinasabi, hindi ko mapigilan. Dahil siguro nais kong maramdaman din ito ng mga bata ngayon. *buntonghuninga*  <– haha that was funny! Sabi ko nga kay Sheena, baka lang kasi tumatanda na kami. <– funnier!

* Kami ay nasa San Diego, ang aming pangalawang pamilya. Masaya at kumportable ang pakiramdam tuwing kami ay nandito. Tuwing kami ay umuuwi sa L.A., lagi kong sinasabi kay Spidey, “Bili tayo ng bahay doon.” Ibig sabihin, nais ko na ring tumira sa SD.

* * * * * * *

* Ngayon ako ay nakauwi na sa L.A. (Hindi ko natapos itong entry na ito noong nasa SD. Makukulit ang mga tao doon e. ) Kapag nandito ako, naiisip ko ayoko na sa SD. Masyadong laid-back. Oo, fickle talaga ako. Ewan ko kung bakit. Baka madali lang kasi ako mag-adjust. Nung nasa NY ako, sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayoko nang umalis doon. Ganoon din ako noong nasa Boracay, at noong nasa Italy, at noong nasa Sagada. Hay. Baka kasi isa akong gypsy. Pwede akong tumira kahit saan. Sabagay. Noong nasa Pilipinas ako, kung saan saan din ako tumira. Sa ngayon, masaya ako dito sa L.A. Maingay. Madaming nangyayari. Mainit. <3

LIFE IS OK

.sylmar.california.usa

 

Sometimes, you don’t always get what you want. You just want to bury your head in the pillow, hide under the blanket as if it’s one big arm pulling you in for comfort. Sometimes all you want to do is scream, & throw things, like china, & get some kind of temporary thrill from watching them get smashed. But you still want to hide it, like under a loud music so that people won’t hear your cries. Sometimes things get out of hand. One time you are Ms Congeniality, & then Ms Cruella the next coz things get out of control & you just can’t do anything about it. People can just accept you being at your worst, or they can despise you. But then, that just tells you, like right in your face, that they are not your friends anymore. Or not at all from the start. Sometimes though, it’s ok to show the world that you are human. That you get hurt, too. Sometimes, it’s ok to miss the bus, be cheated at, stutter at an important public speech, forget someone’s name, sing out of tune, or with wrong lyrics, get lost, get drunk & say something stupid, accidentally walk in the men’s room, fall from your bed while you sleep, fail at a subject, get cut from an audition, be out-of-place at a party, be hated by an in-law, get your heart broken twice, or thrice, get laughed at, get sneered at, get frowned upon, in your face, or behind your back… It is really ok. Coz sometimes, real stories are stirred from all these realities that leave bruises & callouses in your spirit. And out of those are marks of victories at having overcome them. Albeit. All. Odds.

UNTAMED HORSE

.sylmar.california.usa

my first blog's banner

It’s so strange how sometimes you look back & remember yourself from before & you’d not recognize it, not even if people tell you how you did this or that… And you’d realize that who you used to look at in the mirror is such a different person from the one you’re looking at now. There may be things that has never changed like the way she walks, the way she’d nip at her fingers when she’s lost, or the way she’d laugh at herself when she makes little mistakes. These things can still be seen in those eyes, no matter how many wrinkles have lined up in those corners.

Sometimes it wraps you in melancholy & dread how things go by so fast, & you’d ask where has the time gone by? But if you close your eyes and think of who you really are, you’d realize that you’ve had the same dreams as that person you used be.

Coz dreams are free. And when you get to the bottom of it all, simple dreams are what we were and will always be made of.

CROSSROAD

.marikina city.philippines.

For the past weeks, I have been living my life like the world’s gonna end soon. No sh*t, it feels like that. I have sold my old car, and rented a brand new Vios. Jhong & I have been going shopping & planning trips. I have been giving away some of my stuff. I have been having a lot of “Me Time”… and I’ve been meeting up with friends who I haven’t seen in years.

But truth is, I will soon be uprooted here in the Homeland, and will be migrating in CA… where my family has been waiting for me since 1999.

It was hard for me at first to accept it… to move there and leave the chaotic but exciting life I have built for myself here. But during the process of packing things, fixing papers & slowly saying goodbyes, I have come to realize that, Hey I have been living crazy for years now. Maybe it’s time for me to “go into the box” and secure my life for once. Yes security. Routine. Monotony. I have avoided these like plague for years: during my crazy college life as a Communication Arts student, during my crazy Powerdance & bgirlin’ days, and of course, during my most craziest Allstars years. That would probably sum it all up: c.r.a.z.y…. And when I look back at those years now, it made me nauseous. Maybe I should try to flip into the other side of the coin.

Monotony is still an eeeky idea for me. But I do not entirely not welcome it. I think, this is the best time to welcome it since I already have a very strong sense of myself. Monotony/routine is not good to serve to the youth for they will drown in it with their own confusion & self-mutilation.

This is a bit of what I could expect upon living there: I can work in an office or a restaurant. I can do that, yes I can… coz at the end of the day, I have dance/writing to keep me sane. I would know when to give myself time-out from the 9-5 to nourish my soul. I can walk in a park, read, bring a skateboard, go shopping with my sister Rio, play with Tala & my nephews, go to the beach & do the (Prince’) “nothing-box” with my sister Sasa… and the list goes on.

And since I have the means & the knowledge, I can self-train to join dance battles! I will be on my own now, I will not use my group’s name, so I think mas makapal na mukha ko.

But all of this is still up in the air. I’m just playing with ideas.

What I’m more thrilled about is spending the rest of my life with my family.

WHAT I LEARNED WHILE IN CANADA

.toronto.canada.

 

* That I do not want to travel alone anymore. I don’t enjoy it like before. Or maybe it’s because I am not with THE people that I like anymore.

* That it is not an option for me to live here coz the place is so clean, so neat, the people so nice, the weather so cold. Yes, I thrive on the chaos & disorder of Manila.

* That I am still allergic to leeches. I wish they start sucking at their own blood.

* That whatever sh*t we are in, we can still give people what they want. I call it gift. I just hope these people realize it lest it be taken away from them.

EH?

.marikina city.philippines.

 

Nakakirita manood ng news gabi-gabi. Politics has really turned into showbiz, ang taas ng entertainment value! Napapailing na lang ako at napapa-silent prayer, “God, please bless our country & its people. And please guide every Filipino to vote for the rightful leader next year.”