WHAT DID SANTA DROP THROUGH THE CHIMNEY?

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After almost 10 years, I got to spend Christmas again with my family. It was my & Tala’s first Christmas in Sylmar.

Mas masarap daw ang pasko sa Pinas. Totoo yun kung kasama mo magpapasko ang pamilya at mga mahal mo sa buhay. May mga pasko din ako na malungkot sa Pinas. Nagpalipat-lipat ako ng lugar kung saan ako magpapasko–sa mga pinsan ko, kina Kyxz, at eventually, with the Allstars na tulad ko ay malayo din sa mga pamilya nila. Pero iba ang saya ko ngayon kahit dito ako sa Amerika nagpasko, ndi lang dahil sa paskong pinoy sa bahay (dahil nagdatingan ang mga kaibigan ng kapatid ko, at ang iba naming kamag-anak), kundi dahil natanggap ko ang pinakamagandang regalo galing kay Best Friend… si Tala.

Truly, the best GIFT I ever got.

 

 

* * * * * * *

It’s weird, but I think I miss my pre-natal days… hahaha! I miss being pampered & being spoiled by everyone. Ha-ha welcome to the real world… or to motherhood. But I’m enjoying every moment of it. Sobra.

I actually enjoyed every experience, from my pregnancy days, to the time I was in labor…

Dec. 8 4:30am, I went to the rest room & discovered that my water broke. Ganun pala ang feeling hahaha! My sister said it would be like water gushing from the faucet. & she was right! It didn’t stop & I wet the carpet on the way to the stairs to call Jhong. I was laughing at myself thinking, “Haha ganito pala feeling! Eto na yun e, eto na yung hinihintay ko!” I knocked on my parents’ door & I was like “Dad, basa!” pointing to my pajama. Heehee. Jhong said I was like a little girl who has wet the bed.

We all went to White Memorial, in the Dela Hoya Maternity Building. I was checked in, and my contractions didn’t start until around lunch time. I was given epidural afterwards, which was ticklish & uncomfortable. But a lifesaver. Hindi ko yata kakayanin kung wala e. Tama sila, parang times 10 ng dysmenorrhea ang sakit ng contractions.

The charge nurse got me starting with the “pushing” by 5pm. Two nurses & 2 resident doctors helped me out (my OB was a little late & was still on the way to the hospital), with my mom & Jhong by my side. After more than 10 (I think) pushings, I delivered my baby. When I heard her crying it had finally sunk in that I’m finally a mother,

It was love at first sight. (The labor room in White Memorial is arranged in such a way that the baby stays with the mother right after baby is born. Babies are not brought to the nursery anymore. So Tala never left my side from the moment she was born to the time we checked out.) I couldn’t take my eyes off her as the nurse cleaned her up & did the Apgar test. My eyes was glued to her that I didn’t realize that my OB has arrived & was stiching me already down there hahaha!

Sarap ng feeling.

We named her Kaitlin Achilla which means “brave one” / “warrior.” Alam ko, ramdam ko na sobra tapang nya e. And like what I’ve said in my previous post, she has stuck with me throughout my pregnancy. Kahit sobra tigas na ng ulo ko sa pagpapabaya, mahigpit pa rin siyang kumapit. Hanggang ngayon naman. Just by being her, by being born, she has changed me a lot. She has both made be stronger & weaker. She has inspired me to be a better person, but at the same time, she has introduced me to my fears. If before I was so fearless (that the only thing I fear is that I don’t fear anything), now I am scared of a lot of things. But basically, I’m scared of things that might happen to her if I am not by her side… Paranoia lang siguro. But I guess kasama yun in being a parent.

It’s amazing how this little one can change me.

But anyway, on a lighter note, I now have a best friend for life.

Hay… I miss her already, hahaha! I’m just a few feet away from her yet I miss her. Sabi nga ng kaibigan kong si Malove, she will be “a little piece of heaven.” Right. Imma get the hell out of here & go back to heaven now. Ciao!

1 MONTH TO GO

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8mos… but there are really times when I’d forget that I’m pregnant.

I still don’t experience back aches, or swollen feet or nose. My mom would always ask, “Bakit matangos pa rin yang ilong mo??” I’d just say, “Ma, dyosa kse anak nyo.”

I still haven’t shopped for maternity clothes, hehehe! The whole time I was just wearing shirts & pajamas.  When I go out, I wear jogging pants.

But yea, I do get heartburns, I visit the CR a lot, I experience loss of breath… I always have a hard time finding the right sleeping position at night. Gawd, I miss sleeping on my tummy!!!

But one of my great struggles really is… avoiding sweets! I miss my everyday doses of chocolates! Hahaha! Bawal e. Baka magka-gestational diabetes pako. Last month, my blood sugar went up coz that time I ate a lot of Klondike ice cream. I thought I could dilute it by drinking lots of water. Wa epek pala hahaha! So ayun BAWAL ANG SWEETS!

The one thing that I really get a high of during this whole pregnancy is when my baby moves. I get a kick out of it especially when I can really see the skin of my tummy moving & making like these tiny waves. Hehehe. She really is one hella mover! Sometimes she even makes me jerk. Ganun kalakas! I do hope hindi ako wrewrestlingin nito pag laki.

What else… I miss running, jumping & all the usual stuff I do at training. But I’m thinking, hey one month na lang.

This has been easy for me lately. Maybe cause I had a hard time during the early stages of my pregnancy. I just hope I’ll do fine during labor.

IN HER WOMB: CONFESSIONS OF A DANCING FETUS

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I am as headstrong as my momma. There have been a lot of instances when my health was in jeopardy because of her stubborness. But that is just the way she is, & I may grow up to be like her, or like my daddy who’s her exact opposite ! But then, being stubborn can also mean loyalty, or steadfastness, or sticking with someone til the end, no matter what. Somehow I am like her coz I’ve stuck with her from the time she almost lost me, to the time that she embraced me with fervour like a child not letting go of her first doll.

Pregnancy came to her like a thief in the night. She was not ready; she didn’t want me. But who would be, if you’re a dancer who started pretty late & it seemed you’re going against time coz even if dance is always there for you, it does not wait. That and the circumstances that brought her in this state made her in denial in the first few days. She didn’t tell anyone, thinking, even praying that she was only dreaming. As the mind can take on things to happen, she was hoping that the mind can make things UNhappen. But it’s there. As cold as the truth can be on a midsummer night that will just send chills down your spine like an unwanted news.

She was in the middle of a summer workshop and was teaching two junior classes. She had to give up the beginners class she was handling coz that required her to jump around, and run after all those little kids who had shorter attention span than her lest she’d have a miscarriage. She was so glad that she could keep the other class, the more advanced kids to whom she could just teach something not too jumpy.

When I was 2 months in her womb, it was the time of their first choreographers’ showcase. It was heartbreaking for her to know that she might not dance at all. She wanted to. She thought she could. She was only in her 1st trisem after all. Her tummy wouldn’t show til the 5th or 6th month. She would force Ken to cast her in his dance or would learn Lema’s piece. But they won’t allow her to dance for them. She would be irritated at how they seemed to know better when it was her own body at stake. Eventually she realized they really do know better. She didn’t know that the 1st trisem is the most crucial stage in pregnancy coz during that time I was still made mostly of blood. If she’d have spotting, I might have gone with those blood too. This and more she learned from her OB. And to her she listened. So she followed her advice and did not dance… no matter how much she wanted to.

She couldn’t perform but at least she could still choreograph! She thought of working with people whom she could draw joy & inspiration from, who could divert her from the painful fact that she couldn’t step on the stage… the kids. Allen, Charles, Gabi, Joey, Margaux, Trish, Dapdap, Tisha, & the rest kept her sanity for the rest of the rehearsal days. Good news came as the concert went near; she was given a chance to be part of Kyxz’ & Vince Mendoza’s pieces. She got a “cameo” role as the mother fairy for Kyxz’ Hybrid, and one of the “chorus” for Vince’ Paliguan. It made her happy. Sobra. That and the fact that the concert was a success. She was able to perform on the stage after all in her 3rd month.

Then it was time for training for the World Championship. It was a good thing that her group has already voted (all-boys) for the top people who would carry the burden of the competition (hehehe!). But then all of them were still required by Ken to train. It was a blessing in disguise that I was in my momma’s womb coz she was excused in jogging! Oh how she hated jogging. Though Ken usually isolated her & was given her own pace apart from the group coz of her asthma, it was still an excuse not to wake up early in the morning & jog. But she was there during training in the studio. Expectant moms in their late 1st trisem usually get exhausted easily, so a lot of times, after joining them for a few minutes of dancing, she would lie down on the sofa & just watch. During those times, a wide space on the sofa was what comforted her, more than the dance space she so much craved as a bgirl. She would rather nap or just sit for hours. I guess that was how I took a lot of her energy & nutrients.

When I was 4 months in her belly, her 2nd trisem, she got back her energy & had more! There were gigs where she’d specifically ask Lema to let her join and lie to her & to others that it’s ok for her to dance. She remembers what her OB said, “Ok you can dance but when you start spotting, please stop ok? Or you’ll lose your baby.” That was what she was thinking. As long as there was no pain or spotting, sige lang. During those times, she did liftings with Reagan in their Hide & Sick choreo, she did her usual footworks in her solo bgirl part (except for the headspin), she did a 60′s ballroom dance, and an all girl choreo for an Adidas gig wherein nakipagsabayan sha sa mga bata … and it took a toll on her. There was a time that she had a UTI and was brought to the ER. She was given an antibiotic. But she continued dancing again as soon as she felt she could move again. Then she went to her OB for a check-up and she found out that, because of the infection & her activities, she had a threatened pre-term labor. She nearly lost me coz her cervix was opening up & she had contractions. The OB more than ordered, but pleaded her to stop dancing. Alang alang sakin. She was made to stay in bed, confined to the 4 corners of her room. Two weeks of bed rest.

Those 2 weeks were the most difficult part of her pregnancy. Her UTI got worse & it gave her early contractions. She couldn’t walk or even stand up. Her only breaks away from her bed was when she had to go to the rest room and she had to be carried. During those times, my daddy took care of her almost 24/7. My daddy was, in those times, our hero… This was the point that she had accepted that she had to give way to me. That her dance had to give way to motherhood. She had finally let go.

When it was time for her & her group to travel to US for the World Championship, she was well & able & was given permit to fly. Being a pregnant Allstar that time was a totally different experience for her (in the first 2 years, she was a competitor & in their 3rd she was one of the assistants or “yaya’s” ). This year, she was just like a ghost that could go in, past, out, up or above . She had the license to just watch, follow them around, ignore them, cheer with them, take pictures… She could do anything she wanted to do! But of course she didn’t take advantage of that. She still took her responsibility of managing their finances for food & lodging.  She enjoyed this year’s championship and more than that, her team claimed the Gold again. Sabi nila swerte ang buntis. But then they deserved it & they’d point up to BestFriend for all the glory. Cheers, I’m a champion baby!

I was 6 months in her belly when her group went home. She stayed in the US with her family. It was a hard decision, or fact for her to accept: staying where her family can take care of her. Coz she was thinking all along that it sucks to be a pregnant Allstar after winning Championships. Even though she couldn’t dance, she just wanted to follow them around.  I guess once an obstinate woman, forever an obstinate one. But she eventually gave in to the idea that she can just live vicariously through them as they celebrate their victories in the PI.

In those first few days that she got physically separated from the group, she was like in a limbo. She didn’t know what to do. She was suddenly left with nothing. Usually, when she’s in the US, she’d attend dance classes, or attend bboy sessions & competitions. But in her state, she couldn’t. She was like spaced-out for days. She couldn’t even just watch dance videos on youtube coz it only fed her hunger for dance. She began to divert her attention to things that she hasn’t done in a long time like reading, writing, learning photoshops, painting, learning different languages & brushing up on her sign language. She also played a lot with her nephews & spent quality time with her family! Viola, there was a lot to do after all!

I’m 7mos old now in her belly & momma’s doing well. She is just excited to go back dancing as a mom. They said a dancer changes in some ways after giving birth. Aside from the physical changes it would take on her, somehow motherhood will mature her. The irreversible physical damage on her body she doesn’t mind coz she has long accepted that in the first place, she didn’t have the perfect “dancer’s body”; her shoulders & hips are too narrow, her arms too long, her height too short, her back too straight (scoliotic) and her lungs too weak (asthmatic). That was why she has grown to love breakdancing coz it embraces a dancer more with whatever body structure he/she has than jazz/ballet. It just boils down to how aggressive you train & how hungry you are with conditioning. And mommy’s like that.

Nowadays, as my mom has stopped dancing, I kinda miss the feeling of somersaulting in her womb. I was used to her moving about, doing floorworks almost like writhing on the floor, practicing her flips, jumpin’ around. Now with only the threadmill walk as her exercise, mas malikot pa ako! I even wake her up in the middle of the night coz i had to stretch my legs & the womb is getting smaller & smaller for me. But we both don’t mind this coz in 8weeks, I’ll be out. Who knows, I might be following my mom & dad’s footsteps & be a World Champion! But we’ll never know. Just like my momma never imagined she’d be in the dance world, to think that it was an alien world to her when she was 23 (my momma has never danced in her life before that). So who knows.