TWEETS EXPANDED

.los angeles.california.usa.

My family’s port of entry into the United States in 1999 was in Minneapolis, MN. It is where my grandparents & aunts (dad’s side) are from. It is called the Land of 10,000 Lakes and I remember looking at it from above, seeing bodies of water scattered around. A house beside a lake is a common property. I went there once during the summer of 2005 for my cousin’s wedding. Puro puti. Pinoys are a minority. Malamig… and they said that it is worse during winter kasi nag-iisnow. Hindi kinaya ng pamilya ko, mahirap daw mag-drive o maglakad, at kailangan magshovel lagi ng snow. And so, at the prodding of my sister, they, being a true-blooded city folks, all transferred to California… which is a good thing. Coz CA, especially LA, is a lot like Manila. Summer may be over at this part of the globe, but you can expect the sun to cast its rays all year round. ❤

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I work at a supermarket (Yes, my wish to work at a grocery store indeed came true!). At work this morning, I bumped into this stall that holds familiar brown cubes (Kraft Caramel) & instantly, it brought me back to my younger days in Amadeo, Cavite. Summer was always so well spent there with my cousins from my dad’s side. I remember playing patintero, making bubbles out of gumamela leaves, singing & dancing to songs of “Menudo” & “The Carpenters,” the fiesta & the singing contests, the perya that is just overlooking our terrace, and my Lola’s famous kiddie treat, the caramelized rice krispies! Stateside kasi si Lola, so she had all these imported rice crispies & Kraft caramels that she would make into small crispy bars, and we’d consume them while watching Peter Pan. Yes, the old Disney cartoon that was played over & over to pacify our youthful energies, the cartoon that was watched 24/7 that we’ve almost memorized the dialogues! If some people had Peter Pan syndrome, I have the Lost Boys syndrome. I believe that I have always been lost in my own Neverland that is the reason why maybe I’ve never grown up! Ha-ha!

Ah. I miss the smell of that house.

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There was a controversy regarding an artist back home and it got me into thinking that it all boils down to how art is perceived by the receiver/audience. Medyo relihiyoso/pulitikal at nakakatama talaga ang likha nya, ngunit kung malakas ang paniniwala at pananampalataya mo, ano ang pwedeng bumagabag sayo tungkol sa mensaheng ipinarating noon? Sometimes too, art has been booted in the background, that when grave messages are let out through art, people wouldn’t know how to react. I remember having Art Class in high school and Humanities in college. But those were not enough for me to strengthen my appreciation & to deepen my understanding of the arts… That was me. What more of others who have not taken these subjects in school? Others may claim to just dismiss it for the reason that it won’t freakin’ feed mouths… And that’s the point. How can you have that push to go out there & work to provide for your family? Just the mere providence can be said to be enough reason. But there is this thing that can be said about the spirit of it. The gaiety of laboring because you are inspired by those mouths to feed! It is the spirit and also the passion that moves us… that makes us continue, amidst everything… And so if art & its spirit is present in our lives, there should be none of those ugly violent reactions. Only messages that should be absorbed to allow ourselves to learn, to discover & to wake up.

‘Kayong mga prayle na labis na nasindak sa paintings na me lalawit-lawit na ari ng lalaki sa mukha ni Hesukristo, di n’yo ba naisip na kayo ang tinutukoy n’yan? Na kayo ang naghahagis ng kung anu-anong kalaswaan sa mukha ng inyong Poon, na Poon din ng nakararaming Pilipino? Ano’ng sabi n’yo nang nabulgar ’yong paninikil n’yo sa PCSO? Ang PCSO ang dapat magpaumanhin sa inyo dahil sinabi nitong nangikil kayo ng Pajero samantalang ang totoo ay nangikil kayo ng Montero? At ano’ng sinabi n’yo nang mabuking ang paborito n’yong presidente na nagnanakaw ng boto? “Lahat naman sila nandadaya”?’

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I can never emphasize this enough.

Nakakamiss ang may grupo. Pero yung tipong indipensable bawat miyembro. Yung tipong may magsasabi ng “I quit” pero hahabulin mo sya sa Quezon Avenue at pipigilan umalis. O kaya yung tipong maguguho ang mundo nyo dahil yung kagrupo nyo ayaw nang umuwi from Boracay dahil nahuhumaling sa pag-ibig. O kaya yung tipong may isang absent. Pero sa dinami-dami nyo (labimpito), parang kalahati absent.

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There are some words/names that confuse me haha! I guess my brain is scattered like that.

Additional: vertical-horizontal, garlic-onion (Who mistakes garlic for onion?? Only meeh!), names of Jhong’s friends & their faces (Sorry!), Huwebes-Miyerkules (See, I wrote Thursday first! Oh dear.)

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When I first came here in the US, I did not want to work at all. I just wanted to hibernate for a whole year because I have felt that I got really exhausted from whatever it was that I was doing back home. But then, I think I have gotten to be such a workaholic, that my bum-time expired after 3 months. In June, I started looking for work, searching through job sites & sending out resumes. I had a hard time coz I had no experience (all I ever did in my life was dance, and a little bit of studio management), and I was a bachelor’s degree  graduate. I was either overqualified or not certified (I’d have to have a certification if I wanted to manage a studio)… But after 2 months (and a passed driving exam), 2 companies hired me! And what was good was that those are both part-time jobs, and my hours will be in the wee hours of the morning! So I could still squeeze in dance in between my waking hours. So yeah, I am back to my own busy self… in just the right time.

(These opportunities also came in time for me to have finished all my to-do lists, like attending this year’s World Hip Hop, hanging out with my friends Bea & the Allstars, going to NY with Spidey, & acquiring a CA driver’s license.)

Sabi nga, God answers our prayers either YES, NO, or NOT YET. We all just have to have faith & patiently wait. But of course, on our end, we won’t really achieve anything if our asses are stuck on the couch doing nothing, won’t we?

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All I can say is that facebook is both my friend & my enemy.

… Dot. Dot. Dot. Yun lang. It’s so freakin’ hard to write about it these days…

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Yes, I am a worry freak. I worry a lot. Sometimes, I imagine things in my head, and I’d fight with a loved-one. Sometimes I create scenarios and then I’d be as scared as hell & would try to back-out on something. My mind is such a mess like that. I guess it’s the Aquarian in me… That’s why I need to have all these “escape.” That was why I got hooked on Farmville, Yoville & Mafia Wars before (which I have already closed, thank you ). It killed my time to think. That was why I needed to always train, or write, or read. That was why I needed to paint on my wall, or drive aimlessly around, or cut my hair, or shave my head, or pierce a part of my body, or skateboard.

But thing is, this only happens when something big is about to do a peek-a-boo on my face. When a big decision is to be made.

I have always thought how brave some people are that just do things without thinking much. Kasi they JUST DO IT; no if’s or but’s. But come to think of it, I think those people who think a lot are a lot more braver. Coz they do things despite of & in spite of. So yeah! I think I gotta at least pat myself on the back for being brave; for going on pushing through with things that scared the hell out of me; for braving through huddles that has left me sleepless in most nights; and for (a lot of the time) choosing the “road less traveled” in spite of all the battles in my head bending me to do otherwise.

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I strongly reject the idea that we are turning into a paperless society. Ok it has its own environmental merits, but hey, that is why there has always been a library. So we do not have to publish more books. We just go there & borrow books we want to read. But hey, why go to the library, when there’s internet, right… not!

Seeing & learning that Borders was closing down made me sad (I know it is just one bookstore, but it is a sign of books going extinct!)… not just for myself but for the coming generations that will never experience reading books. They can never be able to smell the crisp pages of a newly opened book, or a dusty water-stained, dog-eared pages of their grandmama’s books. They can never know the feeling of ire when upon waking up, they have discovered that they have slept through reading the night before & so has slept on top of their favorite graphic novel, & now it’s all folded & has lesser resell value. Or the feeling of looking through a bookshelf of your favorite novels & deciding which to read again, while seemingly hearing all of it screaming at you to read “Me! Me! Me!” …And, I duno bout you, but I find a great deal of comfort when I have a book with me everywhere I go. Coz I know that I could always turn to it for company, even if I’ve read it like a thousand times already. And on that line, I kind of get a kick out of seeing a book on a friend’s pouch/bag, too.

Ebooks. Booo. I will never own one… Ok, I did read an e-version of a book. It was the Eat, Pray, Love. But only because, that time, it was out of stock in all bookstores in my area. And ako pa, if I want something, I’d want it now! So yes, at least, I got to experience it. Still, I don’t like it. It felt like reading an online blog.

The imminent demise of books will also be a demise of a lot of wonderful things like pen writing, snail mail, book marks, Stabilos, libraries, librarian, illustrations, publications, catalogs, stamp pads, pencil, eraser, exhibits, first editions, revised editions, book shelves, paper, paper… paper… paper. Sigh.

WAXING WELSH ABOUT THE YEAR THAT WAS

.quezon city.philippines.

that fuckin’ shitein cunt
shags the crack down mair & mair
thut ah jist love tae smack it in the face
ken what ah mean? that bairn.
tha fugly cunt’s goat tae be thu worst thing
the worst fuckin’ depression one ever saes
oh likesay, feeling no sae good, violence is ugly
but whae really can sae mauch aboot anything these days?

ha-ha. my tongue is officially screwed brit. only a few pages left of trainspotting & i already felt victorious. gotta be the most enjoyably difficult book i’ve read in a long time, for a long time (took me months man, coz i kept on gaun back chapters after failing to return to the last page read coz of the busy sked blah blah. plus yes, its junk-induced line of thoughts with a real hard-assed vernacular tongue-&-mind twister sortay make me always stoned meself).

aaah… a lot of accomplishments in a year. a year that seemed to span decades.

in a few days, allstars will be officially a year old.

allstars. not just people put together for show… but a group with a vision & a cause… My CREW. My FAMILY.