I WANT…

.marikina city.philippines.

to run away
far where there are bees that can sting me
to drown this pain
wrought by them running around my head

to write away
all layers of stories that make up
the fabric woven amongst encounters of
touched lives on this earth

to love away
without restrictions
and feel the highest measure of joy
even when i am deep within the throngs of any human blunders

THE WALK

walking down the street of ambitions
a life of tinkering was formed
lost in sideshows that kept the mind wandering
and my underbelly’s cracklin’ like a storm

i see a shadow coming out now & then
of someone who’s face i used to breath into
so near yet so far, sauntering over other shadows
never promising, but giving sweet innuendos

at his prime he is on the verge
of wating one & wanting all
each one a discovery but never a conquest
each one’s dutifully at his beck and call

beauties of different languages, colors & scents
different levels of mental exchanges
some keeps him seated for hours & hours
and some are only too good for a cent’s
…worth in bed.

i turn the corner & i find another shadow
a stranger,
but someone i’ve felt like i’ve known all my life
familiar stranger

he sits on the grass undisturbed & at peace
he has this way about him that makes me absorbed out of my mind
even the slightest shuffling of his feet & the space where our eyes meet
can be the stuff of fairy tale books, the most impervious ones i’ll ever find

i stare & stare, finding myself wanting to accost
but i couldn’t
there’s this part that feels that I will forever break him
if i wanted it
so for a while i just stared & stared & watched & learned
until he went away… and i was changed,
mind, body & spirit.

daybreak is nigh and i sauntered on fast
silence spoke more & darkness seemed to bow low
i see shadows going around, going up & down, going home
the sun peaks from behind the clouds looking down below

there was only one shadow i could see,
a familiar one
fair, beautiful and serene
i look for others like it, i found none

suddenly there’s this sense of peace & tranquility
that carried each of my steps & embraced me in a singsong journey
i walk on not wanting to get down
lost in this ambition i cover myself with this crown

MINSAN

.sylmar.california.usa.

there are some expressions that are better said/written in tagalog. they may have direct english equivalent, but sometimes mas masarap sabihin ang mga salita tulad ng malutong magmura at masarap magmahal.

minsan dito
madaming nangyayari na di inaasahan
minsan nasa harap ko na
pilit ko pa rin pinagkakaitan
ng pansin at puna

minsan doon
kinailangan ko pagdaanan
maging katulad ng mga taong
aking kinamumuhian
pilit ipinipikit ang mga mata at tenga
sa bulong at hinagpis ng mga taong
mas nakakaalam

bakit mahirap makinig
sa mga taong malapit
sakin?
tuloy ako’y naluglugmok, nadadapa
pilit bumabangon
ngunit parang nananadya
at naiibigan ko pang madapa
nang madapa
nang madapa…
ng marami beses pa
na madapa

hindi ako matuto-tuto!

hanggang sa kasing baba ko na
silang mga kinasusuklaman ko
haaaay nako.

pero pagkatapos nitong lahat
masasabi kong paangat nako.kse wala na akong ikakababa noh!

tinapakan ko na, niyurakan
sarili kong imahen at pagkatao
san ako pupulutin nito?

minsan dito, o doon
may magpapabago sa ating sarili
kapag lahat ay tila pinagdamutan ka
ng kapatawaran at pag-intindi
kapag lahat ay tila pinukol ka
ng panghuhusga at panunutya
kapag wala nang ibang natira
kundi ikaw at ang iyong mga luha

may bubulong at mangangalabit
may yayapos at magpaparamdam
may matitirang isa
na nagmamahal

minsan dyan lang
sa tabi mo..
tatawagin ka Nya at tatanungin,
“tapos ka na bang madapa?”…

hinihintay Nya lang pala
na tumayo ako sa sarili kong paa
dahil pilit ko Syang pinagkakaitan
ng pasin at puna
kaya kailangang mangyari
ang mga hindi inaasahan
kahit minsan lang..

5 YEARS

freezing in the night, counting stars
one two three how many ways do i love you
i hide in this cheerful mask
but behind lies the love i always knew
it’s not you, it’s still not you

help me heal make me feel wonderful
coz i know that this will take me long
his world will carry on without me
as i will have to go on singing a tuneless song
it’s still not you, i’ll just do you wrong

he will find a new love & he will hold on to it
what was beautiful yesterday will be hidden
in the clouds even if the sun comes out & release it
he might see it but it’ll never be the same again
i’ll just do you wrong, i’ll pine for his game

but thank you for just being near
i don’t know where this will head on
i try to smile, as much as you want me to
but for a long time, my heart will be forlorn
i’ll pine for his game, until a new life will be born

and it’ll take a long time
i’ll still pine for his game
and i’ll just do you wrong
coz it’s still not you
no, not for a long time.