M.A.D.

.los angeles.california.usa.

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles” – Jack Kerouac

Ain’t God awesome for giving us this life to live… to madness? Yes even to the point of insanity. Coz this life is overflowing with everything and nothing at the same time… the desire to taste everything and leave nothing untouched.

I’ve said many times that if I am to leave this world, I would be happy to go… Coz I have felt like I have lived different lives, worth different lifetimes. I’ve almost tasted enough. But as I grow older, I always discover that there is so much mooore! So many cultures to immerse in, so many culinary experiences to dig, a lot more cities to step on, so many friends to make & stories to tell among them, so many moments to close your eyes in as you breathe out “Thank you Lord.”

Last night, one of my gay friends expressed a liking at how generally just chill & quiet I am but is actually high-strung and full of energy when right strings are pulled. Haha! I guess that is how I am. I go outside and feast on life with my eyes by default, but when that perfect moment presents itself to get wild and mad about life, I go all out.  That’s what I love about living, there is always a place & space for everything… to complain when there’s not enough sauce on your pasta or if your coffee was not served smolderingly hot; or just let pass when you were ripped off a very cheap fabric from a store that you paid with your credit coz you don’t have the time to go back; to walk the car-emptied but mass-filled EDSA to fight for a cause; to grovel at the feet of a boyfriend and beg him to not leave you coz you know you are gonna wallow in pain and misery for weeks if he does; to cut your hair shorter & shorter until there’s no more to cut so you decide to just get shave it and be bald; to go crazy at a party and dance until dusk with everyone in the room, or with just your own self; to do an all-nighter with a friend while parked at the UP Sunken Garden and decide to watch the sun rise and do cartwheels before you head home to your bed; to make a fool of yourself in the biggest dance battle you could ever join in, but eventually learn from the best people you could ever learn from; to borrow money, be in debt and join a dance competition just to make noise, but earn a bonus as you’ve put the Philippines on the hip hop map; to brave the storm or wade through the flood just to make peace with someone; to make love as if there’s no tomorrow, or as if tonight will never exist again; to prank call all your boyfriends’ flirty friends to make a statement a.k.a. he’s mine; to fall in love with a person and hide it from everyone else because it seemed wrong, then years later shout it out to the world; to fight with someone because that person was out to destroy things or persons that matter to you; to end a friendship because words exchanged are killing you; to drive aimlessly until you hit the beach or the mountains; to converse with a stranger and be able to transport yourself in a different time & place, in his shoes, in his world; to run around the city capturing the scenes, the scents and the magnificence of each corner, each altitude, each intersection, each light post, canal, mailbox, etc.; to get beaten up physically & mentally by a mentor, get mad and scared and eventually realize that this exercise of humility was to show you who you really are and who you are not; to be treated as trash by the people who pays you to entertain them; to be treated as saints by people whom you will want to dance for at no cost; to give birth to the most precious being you could ever lay your eyes on; to thank the Lord and give praise to Him in front of thousands of people who look up to you.

Ahhhhh… so many things to be thankful for, and more things to look forward to.

Burn, baby, burn, and keep it burning until the last emblem of this fire takes you to another lifetime.