BOONDOCK

Sometimes beaches get overrated (well, at least sa utak ko lang), and I’d crave for the silence & naturesque beauty of the mountains & cliffs. The view of/from their top always overwhelms me, almost to the point of an out-of-body experience.

I mean look at this. I bumped into this photo in the ‘net. Hindi ba nakakalula?

Kung may isang lugar sa Pinas na babalikan ko, ito ay ang Sagada. I say, everyone should visit the place at least once in their lives.

I’d want to walk the whole day, trek its mountains & explore its beautiful caves again.

Nakakamiss. Parang ibang tao ako nung nagpunta ako dun. I think it’s because pahirapan din ang pagpunta dun, as perilous as going thru Mordor to Mt. Doom. Hahaha! Nag-eexaggarate lang ako. Pero parang ganun kasi. Yung sinakyan kasi naming jeep sobra siraulo yung driver. Galing ata sa Metro Manila. There were times when we would almost fall from the steep, tricky roads & fall off to nowhere. Nakakaloka.

But upon getting there, I forgot I’d ever taken that ride in my life. I wouldn’t be able to put it into words coz the experience of being right there is just so magical. It was like I was taken to another period in time. At ang mga tao dun, ang mga igorot lalo, they look so different! Ang gaganda nilang tignan! Napansin ko pa nga, lahat sila rosy cheeks, kahit yung mga travel guides namin na nognog. Hehehe!

But yea, I’d find a way to go back there.

I’d also want to go see that Grand Canyon & Yellowstone River view (photo above) & be taken out of my breath. Kahit yun na ang huling hininga ko.

INSTANT

(Feel ko mag-Tagalog kapag nasa US. )

Gusto ko makatanggap ng sulat. Yung snailmail. Kaso wala naman may alam ng address ko kundi pamilya ko at yung telephone company na nagbibill sakin buwan buwan hahaha. Pero kahit hindi na snailmail. Basta sulat. Sulat-kamay. Mga ideya o mensahe na ipararating sakin sa pamamagitan ng sulat kamay.

Ang romantiko ng ideya no? Kaya lang lipas na ang ganun e.

Tila ata ang mga romantiko ay lumilipas. Kasi kung iisipin mo, ano’ng romatiko sa i love you na pinadala sa pamamagitan ng text? Maliban na lang kung isang tila makata ang mahal mo at sobrang galing nya bumuo ng diwa sa pamamagitan ng salita, aba pwede ka matunaw! Pero tila madalang ako makakita o makaexperience talaga ng mga old fashioned red roses at greeting cards. Pag tinopak lang siguro ang mga tao. Kasi sa sobra fast-paced ng buhay ngayon, nagiging instant na lang lahat. Instant message, instant mami, instant padala, instant gratification hahaha! … Magpadala ka nlang ng litrato ng bulaklak, katumbas na daw yun ng effort ng pagbibigay ng totoong mabangong buhay na bulaklak. Hahaha grabe.

Buti naabutan ko pa ang letter-writing bago ito naging extinct. Uso pa kaya sa St. Scho yun ngayon? Yung sulatan kahit araw araw naman kayo nagkikita at oras oras naman kayo magkausap hahaha! Tapos pa-galingan at creative pa ng pagtupi! Nahahasa kami noon sa origami kasi ang stationery tinutupi na hugis diamond or puso or star or boomerang or kahit ano pa ang maisip mo. Ang galing ng kabataan noon!  Naremind tuloy ako, isang malaking basket ata ng mga sulat ang naipon ko. Naitabi ko pa. Basahin ko kaya ulit ang mga yun. Para lang maranasan ko ulit ang magbasa ng sulat-kamay, hindi yung mga mensahe na nakukuha ko na lang sa mga inbox o comments page ko sa mga accounts ko internet.

Sa tingin ko, ang henerasyon ko ay medyo maswerte dahil nabuhay kami sa transition period ng makaluma at makabago. (Oo lahat naman naluluma e!) Ang ibig kong sabihin, naranasan namin ang mga bagay tulad ng malalaking cellphone, ang telebabad, ang pag-akyat sa puno, ang paglalaro ng habulan o patintero sa ilalim ng buwan, paggawa ng bula galing sa gumamela, ang kwaderno, ang lapis, ang research sa library, ang mahabang pila kapag enrollment, ang 2R pictures na laman ng makakapal na pitaka, ang tubig sa gripo na pwede pa inumin, ang diary, ang vinyl records at cassette tapes, ang pag-abang ng pelikula sa sinehan lang, ang pag-abang ng replays sa telebisyon, ang pamamasyal sa luneta (Oo, dati namamasyal pa kami dun at naglalaro pa ng badminton nina mommy at daddy!) at madami pang iba… At ngayon nararanasan din namin ang text, ang blogs, ang search engines, ang mineral water at energy drinks, ang friendster, ang facebook, ang email, ang laptop, ang Photoshop, ang Xbox, ang paglaro ng habulan sa internet o online games, ang ipod at pagdownload ng mga musika, ang dvds, ang mga series sa youtube, ang mga naglalakihang malls at madami pa ring iba.

May pros & cons pareho. Pero mas gusto ko talaga yung dati. Oo, old school talaga ako. Feeling ko kasi mas buhay ako e. Mas nakakalanghap ng hangin, mas nakakaamoy ng bulaklak, mas nakakapagrelax.

Parang wala na kasing pahirapan ngayon, madali na lang lahat.

Kung madali lahat ngayon, saan na kaya umeeffort ang mga tao?

Ah siguro sa mas “makabuluhang bagay”. Ano ba ang makabuluhan ngayon sa mga to?

Madami.

Basta… Change.

Pagbabago. Yun lang ang permanent e, ika nga.

Lahat ba nakakahabol sa pagbabago?

Ay, parang ayoko maghabol.

Ok nako sa ganito, kung ano lang andyan, makikibagay ako pero hindi ako eeffort maging high-tech ang telepono ko, magkaroon ng SLR o mag-upgrade ng laptop ko. (Kung tutuusin, lahat ata ng gadgets ko libre o pamana lang. Hihihi!)

Hayaan ko nlang itong modernong pagbabago sa iba, sa anak ko.

Pero pag lumaki ang anak ko, susulatan ko sha. Magsusulatan kami.  Tama!

IN HER WOMB: CONFESSIONS OF A DANCING FETUS

I am as headstrong as my momma. There have been a lot of instances when my health was in jeopardy because of her stubborness. But that is just the way she is, & I may grow up to be like her, or like my daddy who’s her exact opposite ! But then, being stubborn can also mean loyalty, or steadfastness, or sticking with someone til the end, no matter what. Somehow I am like her coz I’ve stuck with her from the time she almost lost me, to the time that she embraced me with fervour like a child not letting go of her first doll.

Pregnancy came to her like a thief in the night. She was not ready; she didn’t want me. But who would be, if you’re a dancer who started pretty late & it seemed you’re going against time coz even if dance is always there for you, it does not wait. That and the circumstances that brought her in this state made her in denial in the first few days. She didn’t tell anyone, thinking, even praying that she was only dreaming. As the mind can take on things to happen, she was hoping that the mind can make things UNhappen. But it’s there. As cold as the truth can be on a midsummer night that will just send chills down your spine like an unwanted news.

She was in the middle of a summer workshop and was teaching two junior classes. She had to give up the beginners class she was handling coz that required her to jump around, and run after all those little kids who had shorter attention span than she has lest she’d have a miscarriage. She was so glad that she could keep the other class, the more advanced kids to whom she could just teach something like LA style.

When I was 2 months in her womb, it was the time of their first choreographers’ showcase. It was heartbreaking for her to know that she might not dance at all. She wanted to. She thought she could. She was only in her 1st trisem after all. Her tummy wouldn’t show til the 5th or 6th month. She would force Ken to cast her in his dance or would learn Lema’s piece. But they won’t allow her to dance for them. She would be irritated at how they seemed to know better when it was her own body at stake. Eventually she realized they really do know better. She didn’t know that the 1st trisem is the most crucial stage in pregnancy coz during that time I was still made mostly of blood. If she’d have spotting, I might have gone with those blood too. This and more she learned from her OB. And to her she listened. So she followed her advice and not dance… no matter how much she wanted to dance for Kenjhons, for Lema, & for Prince, and to do bgirlin’ for Kyxz.

She couldn’t perform but at least she could still choreograph! She thought of working with people whom she could draw joy & inspiration from, who could divert her from the painful fact that she couldn’t step on the stage… the kids. Allen, Charles, Gabi, Joey, Margaux, Trish, Dapdap, Tisha, & the rest kept her sanity for the rest of the rehearsal days. Good news came as the concert went near; she was given a chance to be part of Kyxz’ & Vince Mendoza’s pieces. She got a “cameo” role as the mother fairy for Kyxz’ Hybrid, and one of the “chorus” for Vince’ Paliguan. It made her happy. Sobra. That and the fact that the concert was a success. She was able to perform on the stage after all in her 3rd month.

Then it was time for training for the World Championship. It was a good thing that her group has already voted (all-boys) for the top people who would carry the burden of the competition (hehehe!). But then all of them were still required by Ken to train. It was a blessing in disguise that I was in my momma’s womb coz she was excused in jogging! Oh how she hated jogging. Though Ken usually isolates her & was given her own pace apart from the group coz of her asthma, it was still an excuse not to wake up early in the morning & jog. But she was there during training in the studio. Expectant moms in their late 1st trisem usually get exhausted easily, so a lot of times, after joining them for a few minutes of dancing, she would lie down on the sofa & just watch. During those times, a wide space on the sofa was what comforted her, more than the dance space she so much craved as a bgirl. She would rather nap or just sit for hours. I guess that was how I took a lot of her energy & nutrients.

When I was 4 months in her belly, her 2nd trisem, she got back her energy & had more! There were gigs where she’d specifically ask Lema to let her join and lie to her & to others that it’s ok for her to dance. She remembers what her OB said, “Ok you can dance but when you start spotting, please stop ok? Or you’ll lose your baby.” That was what she was thinking. As long as there was no pain or spotting, sige lang. During those times, she did liftings with Reagan in their Hide & Sick choreo, she did her usual footworks in her solo bgirl part (except for the headspin), she did a 60’s ballroom dance, and an all girl choreo for an Adidas gig wherein nakipagsabayan sha sa mga bata … and it took a toll on her. There was a time that she had a UTI and was brought to the ER. She was given an antibiotic. But she continued dancing again as soon as she felt she could move again. Then she went to her OB for a check-up and she found out that, because of the infection & her activities, she had a threatened pre-term labor. She nearly lost me coz her cervix was opening up & she had contractions. The OB more than ordered, but pleaded her to stop dancing. Alang alang sakin. She was made to stay in bed, confined to the 4 corners of her room. Two weeks of bed rest.

Those 2 weeks were the most difficult part of her pregnancy. Her UTI got worse & it gave her early contractions. She couldn’t walk or even stand up. Her only breaks away from her bed was when she had to go to the rest room and she had to be carried. During those times, my daddy took care of her almost 24/7. My daddy was, in those times, our hero… This was the point that she had accepted that she had to give way to me. That her dance had to give way to motherhood. She had finally let go.

When it was time for her & her group to travel to US for the World Championship, she was well & able & was given permit to fly. Being a pregnant Allstar that time was a totally different experience for her (in the first 2 years, she was a competitor & in their 3rd she was one of the assistants or “yaya’s” ). This year, she was just like a ghost that could go in, past, out, up or above . She had the license to just watch, follow them around, ignore them, cheer with them, take pictures… She could do anything she wanted to do! But of course she didn’t take advantage of that. She still took her responsibility of managing their finances for food & lodging.  She enjoyed this year’s championship and more than that, her team claimed the Gold again. Sabi nila swerte ang buntis. But then they deserved it & they’d point up to BestFriend for all the glory. Cheers, I’m a champion baby!

I was 6 months in her belly when her group went home. She stayed in the US with her family. It was a hard decision, or fact for her to accept: staying where her family can take care of her. Coz she was thinking all along that it sucks to be a pregnant Allstar after winning Championships. Even though she couldn’t dance, she just wanted to follow them around.  I guess once an obstinate woman, forever an obstinate one. But she eventually gave in to the idea that she can just live vicariously through them as they celebrate their victories in the PI.

In those first few days that she got physically separated from the group, she was like in a limbo. She didn’t know what to do. She was suddenly left with nothing. Usually, when she’s in the US, she’d attend dance classes, or attend bboy sessions & competitions. But in her state, she couldn’t. She was like spaced-out for days. She couldn’t even just watch dance videos on youtube coz it only fed her hunger for dance. She began to divert her attention to things that she hasn’t done in a long time like reading, writing, learning photoshops, painting, learning different languages & brushing up on her sign language. She also played a lot with her nephews & spent quality time with her family! Viola, there was a lot to do after all!

I’m 7mos old now & momma’s doing well. She is just excited to go back dancing as a mom. They said a dancer changes in some ways after giving birth. Aside from the physical changes it takes on her, somehow motherhood matures her. The irreversible physical damage on her body she doesn’t mind coz she has long accepted that in the first place, she didn’t have the perfect “dancer’s body”; her shoulders & hips are too narrow, her arms too long, her height too small, her back too straight (scoliotic) and her lungs too weak (asthmatic). That was why she has grown to love breakdancing coz it embraces a dancer more with whatever body structure he/she has than jazz/ballet. It just boils down to how aggressive you train & how takaw you are with conditioning. And mommy’s like that.

Nowadays, as my mom has stopped dancing, I kinda miss the feeling of somersaulting in her womb. I was used to her moving about, doing floorworks almost like writhing on the floor, practicing her flips, jumpin’ around. Now with only the threadmill walk as her exercise, mas malikot pa ako! I even wake her up in the middle of the night coz i had to stretch my legs & the womb is getting smaller & smaller for me. But we both don’t mind this coz in 8weeks, I’ll be out. Who knows, I might be following my mom & dad’s footsteps & be World Champs! But we’ll never know. Just like my momma never imagined she’d be in the dance world, to think that it was an alien world to her when she was 23 (my momma has never danced in her life before that). So who knows.